They say laughter is the best medicine...
So we decided to promote good health by sharing
a laugh with you. Of course, this is not a monopoly!
So if you've heard a good one lately... we want it!
Simply e-mail :o)@doralhome.com
Advice from Kids
1. Never trust a dog to watch your food.
- Patrick, age 10
2. When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.
- Michael, 14
3. Never tell your mom her diet's not working. - Jeremy, 8
4. Stay away from prunes.
- Randy, 9
5. Never pee on an electric fence.
- Robby, 13
6. Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to.
- Emily, 10
7. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
- Taylia, 11
8. Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment. - Traci, 14
9. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
- Kyoyo, 9
10. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
- Armir, 11
11. Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.
- Lauren, 9
12. Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
- Joel, 10
13. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone. - Alyesha, 13
Elementary!
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went camping. As they bedded down for the night, Holmes said: "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars".
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially other planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes: "Somebody stole our tent."
1. My buyer told me that he lived in the same house for 10 years.
I found out he'd still be there today if the Governor hadn't pardoned him.
2. Why do you have your front door leading right into the dining room?
So my relatives won't have to waste any time.
3. The sellers told me their house was near the water.
It was in the basement.
4. How much are they asking for your rent now?
Oh, about twice a day.
5. I have a temporary mortgage.
What do you mean temporary?
Until they foreclose.
6. Realtor sign--We have "lots" to be thankful for.
7. Agent: first you folks tell me what you can afford,
then we'll have a good laugh and go from there.
8. The dream of the older generation was to pay off a mortgage.
The dream of today's young families is to get one.
9. There is no longer a need for the neutron bomb.
We already have something that destroys people and leaves
buildings intact. It's called a mortgage.
10. If you think no one cares you're alive, miss a couple of house payments.
Only In Miami:
· Cover me while I change lanes!
· I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not
screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
· Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!
· Horn broken. Watch for finger.
· No radio -- Already stolen.
· I brake for no apparent reason.
· How can I miss you if you won't go away?
· Come to Florida. Relax, retire, re-vote.
Trivia:
The floors of buildings are called stories because early European builders
used to paint picture stories on the sides of their houses. Each floor had a
different story.
Latest satellite pictures reported a carpet chase!
 
Funny Sayings:
· Home is where the mortgage is.
· A typical home has a TV set that is adjusted better than the kids.
· A house warming is the final call for those who haven't sent a wedding present.
· This country is great. It's the only place where you
can borrow money for a downpayment, get a 1st and
2nd mortgage and call yourself a homeowner.
· The best part of a real estate bargain is the neighbor.
· Home: A place you go, where they have to take you in.
· Charity: A thing that begins at home and usually stays
there.
· A man's home is his castle. That's how it seems when
he pays taxes on it.
· Housebroke--What you are after buying a house.
· The trouble with owning a home is that no matter
where you sit, you're looking at something you should be doing.
· They have an all electric home. Everything in it is charged.
· My buyers want a new home on the outskirts---of their income, that is.
Words To Ponder:
What is Home?
A roof to keep out the rain. Four walls to keep out the wind.
Floors to keep out the cold. Yes, but home is more than that.
It is the laugh of a baby, the song of a mother, the strength
of a father. Warmth of living hearts, light from happy eyes,
kindness, loyalty, comradeship.
Home is first school and first church for young
ones, where they learn what is right, what is
good and what is kind.
Where they go for comfort when they are hurt or sick.
Where joy is shared and sorrow eased.
Where fathers and mothers are respected and loved.
Where children are wanted.
Where the simplest food is good enough for kings
because it is earned.
Where money is not so important as loving-kindness.
Where even the teakettle sings from happiness.
That is home.
God bless it!
Ernestine Schumann-Heink
Improve Your health! Enjoy a Laugh! Share the News!
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